Daddy

It is the end of December. We are getting closer to Him coming home - Just a few more weeks. A while back we started talking about how using the title Master or Sir just did not fit our relationship anymore. He is my world. He is loving and caring and likes to make me smile. We are not about protocol or rituals (we do have some though). We are about love, and structure, and Him providing for me.

It has become more clear to us the more we have talked during this deployment. I have found that I like calling him Daddy. It isn't as weird as I thought it would be. I like Him taking care of me and the new title just shows how much He really does for me. I know everything may change when He comes home. We have not tried any of this in person. 

A few days ago He told me to take a nap. I was exhausted and have not slept much since He left. It was wonderful. I actually slept for 3 hours and woke up feeling great. I didn't wake up with guilt over not doing anything. I didn't worry about not finishing my chores. I just took a nap, like a child, because He told me to. It was a huge eye opener.

I worry about when He comes home and we try this in person. I am afraid it will sound silly or make me giggle. Or even worse - not work for Him the way it does for me. I know the overall structure of our relationship will not change. I know He will always provide for me. I know He will always be the leader of our relationship but what if He decides He wants more protocol. What if He wants a true "slave" with all the rules and restrictions? I really like the way the DD/lg is building and I don't think I want to go back.

The distance is really starting to wear me down. I have lots of time alone to think about things that I would never question if He was home. Oh well...Just a few more weeks. 

Holidays and Stress

The holidays are almost gone and I think I will survive. Christmas, my birthday, and Sir's birthday were really really hard for me. You could just look at me and I would almost burst into tears. I was lucky because all the grandparents came to see us for Christmas and they helped me with the kids so much. We spent a lot of time cooking with the boys and laughing with each other. Over all it was a great day - with a huge hole.

So one more holiday and it is done. New Years has never been a big deal for us so I think I will be ok. The boys are going to spend a few days with my parents and their cousins so I will get a lot of sleep and maybe catch a movie or two.

The deployment is almost over and then the real fun will start. I am so excited to move and get a fresh start. We have so much to do in the next few months that it can be overwhelming at times. My lists are out of control and I am running around like a mad woman. House selling/buying is crazy and sometimes I think we may end up homeless (or in base housing which is NOT what I want).

Phone Calls and Orgasms

Being lonely has become the normal for me lately but Daddy has really helped me cheer up. We have had two wonderful phone sessions that actually helped me feel more connected to Him.

He is having problems "finishing" on His own. He has spent a lot of time the last few weeks trying but has found that porn and pictures and stories just don't do it anymore. He needs me! (Talk about making a slave feel loved!) He called me during one of these moments when the need was there but the ending was no where in sight. Thankfully I know what works for Him. I described a wonderful blow job and all the little details that He loves so much. He was in a much better mood by the end of the phone call.

The second call was all for me and Daddy let me have an orgasm. I have only had a couple in all the time He has been gone. Not because I was not allowed but because I don't really like to go it alone. Daddy talked me through some play time and I was more relaxed than I have been in a long time. And I missed Him even more.

The next month needs to go by quickly. I need a hug and a spanking.

Could It Really Be So Simple?

With the upcoming move I have been super busy trying to get the house ready to sell or rent. It is an exhausting process of cleaning, sorting, repairs, and painting - all while taking care of the boys. I have not slept much in the last week from all the stress. 

Yesterday I sent pictures of the living area of our home to an acquaintance. She showed her husband and asked to see the house in less than two minutes. I was floored. I spent the day getting the house ready to show. It was a rush of cleaning and packing since I had the house destroyed from my earlier work. They saw the house last night and THEY LOVED IT! 

Our house is not even on the market but they are already working on financing. Could selling our house really go so smooth? I really hope so. I am so afraid that we will be stuck with this house and unable to buy another one at the next base. It keeps me up at nights.

A Post About Nothing

I haven't posted lately. I know...Bad Bad Slave. Really I have a good reason. Well I kinda have a reason but it probably isn't good.

My life is boring.

Yup. There it is. I have found that without Him here I am a very boring person. And now I am going to bore you with a post about nothing. We are in the 60 day countdown. I don't know when, but sometime in the next 60 days He will come home. (As long as the Air Force Gods don't change anything! Fingers Crossed.) His homecoming also means our move is coming up and fast.

My To Do list is crazy and I am running out of energy. The last two weeks have had me cleaning, scrubbing, painting, and staging the living room, dining room, and kitchen for photos. The Realtor did not like my beautiful brown walls. He said they were "Dark" and "Unwelcoming". Ok. I guess they might seem that way to some but to me they were a welcomed sight. Living in military housing for years and years made me dislike white (or any light color) walls. I have painted all the main rooms a beautiful light (Realtor approved) tan. Or off white. Well it sucks. But the rooms look bright and cheerful and larger.

Then I had to remove the rocking chair, and the little table, and my glass turtles, and my pictures, and everything from the "Daddy Wall", and anything else that says we live here. My house is now boring and empty. The Realtor called it "spacious and inviting". So tomorrow I will put up new artwork in the place of my family photos and take the pictures. I just hope it helps our house sell or rent.

So there you have it. I am Boring. He needs to come home to give me some new blog post ideas.

Rocks and Boys

We have two boys. They are already very "manly" in their young ages (11 and 5) and I am usually so very proud of them. They open doors for women and pick up trash when they see it. They always have something nice to say to their friends and never shy away from hard work. They really are on the right path. My Mother In Law gave me a lot of advice after the birth of our first son. Most of it revolved around me being a horrible Mom and her needing to raise D for us. But....there was this one piece of advice that has helped me through the years.

No matter what I do, they will always grow up to be a man. I just get to help decide if they will be a good man or a bad man. But they will still be a man in the end.

She said it with a sick hatred of men but her words have stuck with me for all these years. Tonight, as I was sitting in the ER with A, her words kept flowing through my mind.

A decided on Friday to EAT A ROCK?!? Why would he do that? He didn't tell me that was what was wrong with him until last night. He has had stomach problems since Friday but in his 5 year old mind, the two things were not connected. So today we spent 5 hours in the ER trying to get XRays and the all clear. Thankfully the rock passed through him but it did a lot of damage to his system. He has inflammation and such throughout his digestive system which is making him miserable. The Dr was wonderful and decided to tell A, in great detail, what happens if a rock gets stuck in his stomach. He described the surgery and every cut and pull they would have to make in order to reach a rock way down in his tummy. By the time the Dr was done, A was apologizing and promising to never eat anything ever again. I really like that ER doc.

I am having a really hard time having sympathy for him. I mean really, HE ATE A ROCK! I don't normally feel sorry for stupidity but he is my baby.

So, as I was sitting in the ER listening to the Dr scare the crap out of my son, I thought about what kind of man he is going to become. His future isn't looking too good today.

Pieces

Sometimes  the person the world sees is so different from the person I really am. We live in a world full of harsh judgmental people who like to tear down every one around them. For this reason I appear to be a strong, independent woman who can take on the world. I don't let others know when things bother me and I don't ask for help. My family would never put the words submissive and Me in the same sentence. The schools have learned to fear me and the pediatricians usually don't like me.

I am ok with this.

Dinner with my family proved to me how much they do not know about me. My Mom kept going on about how independent I am. How wonderful it is that I don't *Need* my husband and can stand on my own two feet. My baby sister kept talking about this club or that club that she just had to take me too. How we should go out and drink together without the husbands.

I don't feel independent. I actually feel like a crazy person when He is gone. I just keep going because He wants me too. And I would NEVER go partying or drinking without Him. I have not gone out like that without Him since I was 18. It would not happen. Not because He would not allow it, but because I find it disrespectful to Him. Alcohol and crowds make people do stupid things. I don't personally like stupidity.

I find myself feeling lonely. So few people actually know me. And even less know me as a Pet and a Mom and everything else that makes me who I am. I think that is why I like my Blog so much. I am just Me - Like it or not. I can put all of the separate pieces together and not worry about what the world thinks.

Feeling a Little Old

This week A and D both have their birthdays - A is 5 and D is 11. Where did the time go?

It seems like yesterday when D was a baby and we were lost new parents just trying to make ends meet. We were lucky to have each other and Sir was determined to give us a good life. He joined the military shortly after D needed surgery and we had to pay out of pocket. It was like we didn't really grow up until He signed on that line.

Our lifestyle isn't always easy with two loud boys running around and we rarely get a night out alone. Maybe when He comes home we will be able to have a date night or two. I can not imagine our lives without them but I really do like to have time with just Him. (I am a little selfish that way.)  Our boys are growing into strong young men and I see their dad in them more and more every day. D wants to join the military and be EOD like His Dad. He made this decision several years ago. Everything he does seems to be working to that goal. A just wants to be a super hero....Its kinda the same thing.

Another Wonderful Gift

He really does spoil me. I received another gift from Him recently. It took a while for it to arrive but I love my custom ears and tail. They are so soft and fluffy. I can not wait for Him to come home so we can play with them.

I did wear my ears for Halloween while I shuttled the kids from house to house. It was nice to have a little part of our life actually mix with our public life. It does not happen often. We are already talking about ordering another set in a fox red with black tips just for fun. 

Nightmare...

I am not scared of the dark.

Bumps and noises do not bother me when He is gone.

I don't worry about monsters under the bed or a big scary man breaking into the house. 

I just don't. It has never been an issue.

Last night I spent 3 hours in complete panic over a bad dream. I woke up unable to breathe- Unable to move. I have never had a nightmare like that. And it was such a short simple dream. Someone was living in our Attic and coming into the house while we were asleep or gone. I walked into the the room and he was there. I could describe him to a police sketch artist it is so clear.

So I spent hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  

Grapefruit What???

I am part of a very Vanilla Mom's group on Facebook. It is great to read about all the crazy marriages and the husband bashing and everything that they think is Taboo. It is full of "My hubby didn't carry out the trash" or "My hubby actually wants ME to cook dinner?!?!" They would die if they knew what kind of marriage I have with Sir. But that is for another day.

Lately they have been talking about Grapefruit Blowjobs. Yes. You read that right. Here is a instructional video. Really Go watch that video. The sounds kill me.

The women in this group are all over this. Some can not believe women would give blowjobs (that is just degrading) and others think this is just so KINKY! The wives are all running to the store to buy grapefruits and are posting pictures of their prepared fruit. They ask each other for tips on how to give a good blow job. And the stories of how they did it and what hubby said/did. It is the craziest sex act they have ever done. Poor vanilla women.

It makes for some very interesting reading.

Ramblings

I keep staring at the blinking cursor and I have nothing to really say. Life with Him gone is difficult and lonely and very vanilla. While we are apart we talk about everything. The kids. The house. Our upcoming move. His career. And our relationship.

We are always evolving and are still finding ourselves in our M/s lifestyle. We are not new by any means but our roles and kinks are constantly changing. During this deployment I have learned so much about myself.

I no longer want to work outside the home. I helped with a low cost spay and neuter clinic this past weekend. We were able to alter almost 100 animals in three days. It was amazing. I love to do this work and usually find it very rewarding. But all I could think about was Sir and the things I needed to do at the house. I can not imagine working outside our home every day and being His submissive. I don't think I would like it and I am sure I would be so stressed that everyone would be miserable.

I like being His "pet" and I am curious to see where this will go.

I LOVE having my nails done and getting a Pedicure.

I am not very productive when He is gone. My To Do lists go undone and the house, while not horrible, is never cleaned to His standards. Our menu is all kid friendly meals with more cheese and less vegetables because I don't like to fight with the boys about something like food.

Calling Him "Master" does not really describe how I feel about Him and His role over/in my life. I don't know what word would work the best though. We are playing with the "Daddy" title but I am not sure how that will work for us. "Sir" still works but once again it doesn't really fit. I am really starting to wonder what titles or terms of endearment others use.

And I like to sleep with a stuffed animal at night. It caught me off guard but it really does help me relax and sleep better. He sent me a Fox stuffed animal about a month ago and I find myself curled around it at night and looking for it when I wake up. It is strange (I didn't sleep with one when I was a child) but very comforting.

I am hoping I will get out of the funk but my life will not be back to normal until He is home.

30 Days of Truth - Day Eight

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Wow…that list could go on and on.

My In-laws made my life hell for the longest amount of time and they actually did the most damage to Sir and I.  I was not the person they pictured their only son with and they made sure to tell me on a daily basis for the first 8 – 10 years of our relationship. They used threats and bribes to try to drive us apart - Including the promise of a brand new truck if He would leave me on our wedding day. It didn't work. We said our “I do’s” and watched His mother almost have a meltdown.

Over the years they have caused us so many fights and struggles but it only served to bring us closer together. Thankfully they started to come around and decided I wasn't the worst person in the world after the birth of our second son. I am just glad Sir chose me and not them. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Seven

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Sir  - and in turn my boys - are my everything. Sir entered my life when I was young and still trying to get over my abusive childhood. It had been years since my biological father had walked out of my life but the scars were just too deep. I was going to party for a semester at college and then go home to the family ranch.

Sir turned everything I thought up side down. He was unlike anyone else in my life and He showed me what life could really be like. He still does this today. He is my complete opposite and is able to get me to try things I would never dream of. Without Him I would have a very boring, lonely life. 

Cell Phone Pictures

I am very thankful for technology this deployment. I can talk to Sir all the time. We video chat. We message. We have phone sex. Technology is a wonderful thing. 

One of the things I get to do is send naughty pictures to Him. I can picture His smile when He sees a new picture. The only problem with cell phone pictures is that it is HARD to get a good picture of yourself and even harder to get sexy ones. I did manage to get one that was share worthy recently. 

I hope everyone has a great Monday.   :)

30 Days of Truth - Day Six

Something you hope you never have to do.

Say goodbye to one of my boys.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of them. I have lost several babies late in a pregnancy but that cannot compare to the pain a parent must feel when they outlive their child. 

30 Days of Kink - Day Five

What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen?

The first ‘kinky’ experience is not that wild and crazy. It was a one night stand with a boy I met on my first day in college. We had known each other for three days. We were with friends at a dance but we ended up having sex on campus – under a pine tree – by the Art building. I had a pine cone stabbing me in the butt. We didn't even get undressed. 

Today I call that boy Master. 

Room 101

Tori at Pain's Pleasure challenged everyone to come up with their own Room 101 based on an idea from George Orwell's book 1984. I personally had no idea what a "Room 101" was so I had to do a little research. Room 101 is a place introduced in the novel 1984 by George Orwell. It is a torture chamber in the Ministry of Love in which they subject a prisoner to his or her own worst nightmare, fear or phobia.

So what would I put in my own BDSM Room 101?

Bullwhips - I know some people really like them. Some people even say they "Don't hurt that much". But no... I grew up on a ranch. I know what a bullwhip can do and it has no place in my BDSM world.

Enemas - Just no.

Public Displays - The idea of doing the things I do with my Master in a public place (even appropriate public places) is the worst thing ever. To me, it is a very private thing and I can not imagine others being there. I read of all the adventures and parties others participate in and I can not imagine getting a spanking (much less anything else) with another person in the room. I am just to shy and private.

So there is my little Room 101. I can not wait to read other posts.

30 Days of Kink - Day Four

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Not really. I didn't discover my kinky side until He started to discover His. We grew together which has brought us closer together. We both know each other so well. We don’t have to have a talk about what we have tried and what we didn't like with past partners because all our kink has been together.

Adrift

Mouse over at The Power Exchange used a word in her post that summed up how I feel.

Adrift.

So simple but complete havoc on my mind. With Him gone I find myself just floating through the days.

No purpose.
No guidance.
No drive.

The house is a mess. The yard needs to be prepared for winter. I have to get ready to move. And yet, I am not marking anything off of the to do list. I really just need Him to walk through the door at the end of the day. I need to know He approves of my hard work and get that little smile and words of praise.

I am such a bad slave.

I should do things because it is what He expects of me. Not for the praise.

30 Days of Truth - Day Five

Something you hope to do in your life. 

I don’t have a huge list of things I want to do in my life. I like to do simple things like hike and play with my kids and stay at home with Sir. I do have one dream. Someday I want to go to the Galapagos Islands. I want to see the giant tortoises and walk where Darwin walked. I have dreamed of those islands since I was a child.

30 Days of Truth - Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for.

I forgive everyone but that does not mean I forget what they did. I only have one person who I need to forgive and I cannot do it. I cannot forgive my father for the childhood I had. I cannot forgive him for the abuse. I cannot forgive him for the way he treated my mother. I cannot forgive him for the lies I had to tell in order to cover it all up. I just cannot forgive him. 

To the Moon and Back...Really?

You never realize how lonely you are until the idea of a real conversation makes you happy. I have lost so much in the last few months- Some are only temporary but some are forever. He is gone which is the hardest to handle. My best friend - and one of my only real friends - moved. She is starting her new life and seems to be moving on. It breaks my heart but I really do understand. Then this week a beloved pet died. He had tortured me like only a 20 lb cat can but I have slept next to Sir's house cat for 15 years. And our home will never be the same. Other friends seem to be drifting away the way they do. The phone calls and texts are farther and farther apart and I find myself looking at my phone longing for just a small message from old friends.

Tonight though I can not brush it off. My sisters are only 90 mins away from me. Just a short distance but it might as well be the other side of the earth. We don't talk. We don't text. We don't Facebook or video chat. They live their lives and I live mine. I used to chase after them. I used to call them and bug them and just drop by unannounced when I was in town. The calls would go unanswered. The messages were ignored. And my visits were just a bother. This year I stopped chasing them. This year I don't have the energy to try and make a relationship with them.

Tonight I received a message from my Little Sister. The first communication from her in months. Apparently my Mom (who I talk to every day, several times a day) asked my sister how I was. Such a simple question most sisters could answer about each other. But she didn't know how I was because I don't post my life on Facebook. I don't tell strangers how I feel.

So tonight I sit and stare at my phone and I read her words to me.

"I know I have not been there for you like I should...I just want you to know that I am here...I truly love you to the moon and back. I will do better at being your little sis."

And I am alone. So very alone.

30 Days of Truth - Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for something that was completely out of my control- 5 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. So many babies came into our lives only to be taken before we were able to hold them. I did nothing wrong but my heart does not know this.

We are blessed to have D and A and I thank God every day for them. 

30 Days of Kink - Day Three

How did you discover you were kinky?

Hmmm….I don’t think I had a certain day that I had a light bulb moment. I slowly discovered my Kinky side as He discovered His. We really did just grow on each other’s personal discoveries. We have always had a lot of sex but slowly we started to add in a toy or try something new more and more often. I think our first toy was a small vibrator when we were still in college. It opened up a whole new world of sex toys and we now own a huge selection.

I approached Him with this lifestyle while He was away. I just sent Him a blog I had read and waited for His response. I was surprised when He did not freak out. We started talking about kink and submission and wonderful rough sex. This conversation is still going on after all these years. I am very thankful He wanted to be my Master and that we balance each other so well. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Two

Something you love about yourself.

It is sad that I find this question so difficult. I know it should be just as easy as the first one but it isn’t.

I love the way I look at the world. I am not naive (though Sir would probably disagree with me) but I do tend to have a childlike view of the world. I know the world is not a happy place. I know there are bad people in the world. And hunger. And pain. And war. I just choose to look at the good things. Maybe that is why I like to be a Pet so much. Sir worries about everything for me and I get to continue to live in my little bubble. 

30 Days of Kink - Day Two

List your kinks.

I find this one fun!

Spankings are really important to me- Not punishment spankings since those have to go past the fun turn on part to painful in order to be effective. Nothing gets me wetter, faster than a spanking from Sir.

Bondage – ties, ropes, blindfolds, cuffs, and mental. Him telling me “Do Not Move” is just as good as actual physical restraints.

Being His Pet and everything that goes with it from grooming (mani/pedi, hair, shaving) to wearing a plug with a tail.

Rules and structure – I don’t know if this is a kink or not. It centers me. It helps me to let go of my stresses and worries. And it is a huge turn on when He says no to me. It doesn’t happen often but I like to know that He can do it.

Anal – I LOVE anal sex, plugs, and beads. My favorite sexual act is for Him to hold me down and forcefully take my ass. I love the way it feels when He pushes my shoulders down and I present my ass to him. Just the thought of it makes me happy.  

New Car

He still surprises me often and today He topped them all.

Some wives get flowers when their husbands are gone. Or cute little love notes. But not me. My Sir bought me a new car! He is on the other side of the world and He found a way to buy a car here in the states.  Not just any car. A 2014 Nissan Pathfinder Platinum 4x4 with every little thing you could add to it. It is beautiful. It is more than anything I had ever expected. He is a wonderful Master and I am a very spoiled pet.

I did find out why He bought this SUV. It is large enough to put a crate in the back and has tie down points so that He can secure it. He has some devilish plans for me in mind 

Questions For Him #5

How do I see our relationship evolving in the future? 

I am not sure about this one. I have thoughts and fantasies that involve
playing in front of others. I want others to see what I can do to her, and what she does for me. I want others to feel the marks across her bare skin, to see the love she holds for me in her submission. I want to see another slave touch her in an understanding and supportive way. I want to attend get together's where she can kneel at my feet and nobody cares or looks at us funny or like we are weird. 

I am not sure that I could ever let another man touch her in the ways I do. I tend to be a very jealous man over my toys. I am not saying that it would never happen but who knows on that road. I do know that I want to see her grow even more into this role. I want to see how she takes on the new challenges of being in a new place and never taking her collar off. New to the area, nobody will know that it isn't a pretty necklace. And those that do know will share a quiet smile with us and go about their day. 

I want to see her blog grow and see how people read it and react to it. I look forward to getting her a tattoo that will be seen by all should she ever need to not wear the collar. I look forward to the idea of getting her nipples pierced and marking her further as mine. I can't wait to get home and see her in person with the new tail and ears I have bought her. The future holds so very much for us and I cannot wait to see it all unfold. 

30 Days Of Kink - Day One

Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I am a submissive. The thought of being a switch just freaks me out. I could never be in charge or force someone to do something. It just isn’t in me. 

By being a submissive I get to please Sir. I get to follow His desires and meet His needs with my body. Sometimes that means I get to be tied and restrained. He uses this time to play with my body and do whatever His hearts desires. Other times He likes for me to put up a little bit of a fight. Those nights are harder for me. My natural instinct is to submit to Him - not try to stop Him. It just goes against everything that I am.

I am a masochist. It took a long time for me to understand this and even longer for me to tell Sir.  I need to be under His control. It centers me. It lets me hand over my problems to Him so I can just focus on what is important. My servitude to Him. 

I used to worry about everything. I had to have lists and lists and more lists. I thought about problems that did not exists and stressed over things we had already done. I was miserable. He was miserable. Our child was miserable. This was not a healthy way for us to live. The day I handed Him everything I immediately felt better. I am not saying I completely forgot about all my worries but I did know that when they popped into my mind I could just ignore them. He had them. I didn't have to worry.

I have given Sir my body. He can use it in any way that pleases Him. I am available to Him sexually at all times. He can pierce or tattoo me. He can make me dress a certain way or get my nails done. He has complete control over me and He corrects me when I mess up. He uses lectures, spankings, corner time, and so many other things to help me become the Pet He desires.

It really is a simple life for me (and I am sure it is a lot of work for Him). I would not want to trade places or go back to the way it was before. 

Questions For Him #4

What Characteristics should a Dom/Master have?

A good Master needs to be strong and I don't mean muscles. It needs to be a mental strength, a fortitude that lets him be able to give orders and follow up to make sure that it is done. And be able to give out punishment as it is needed. Yet we also need to be able to have those moments where we need to have someone to break down to. Being able to just sit there and be held from time to time is the real strength that any person holds.  

Also a good Master has to be able to read their slave. I know my little pet so well that she never has to use her safe words. I can read her body language so well that I know the difference that one more swat will bring tears of shear pain and that of being done for the session being done. 

Fun With Lists

Brat came up with several kinky lists that are just amazing. She dared other bloggers to do it too. You can find her lists here. I think there are several things missing from the lists but it is definitely a great start.

I put smiley faces on the things I have done and a few little notes here and there.

 1. Kiss a girl   J

2. Have anal  J
3. Have a threesome J
4. Engage in group sex
5. Have phone sex  J - I actually paid for part of my college by doing phone sex!
6. Masturbate J
7. Use a vibrator J
8. Use a sex toy on someone else J
9. Be tied up J
10. Tie someone up
11. Have sex in a public space J
12. Be a voyeur and watch others having sex (live porn does not count)
13. Sex in a car  J
14. Sex at a drive-in
15. Mile-high club
16. Sex with a stranger
17. One-night standJ
18. Married sex  J
19. Sex on a boat
20. Sex in a body of water J
21. Light spanking J And Hard Spankings. lol
22. Read erotica J
23. Play strip poker/Monopoly/card game
24. Sex in the shower J
25. Sex standing up against a wall J
26. Sex with no kissing J
27. Sex in the pitch black J
28. Sex in the broad daylight J
29. Making out with no sex long after you're no longer a virgin J
30. Sex in a tent in the wilderness J
31. Watch porn together J
32. Watch porn alone
33. Learn to give yourself multiple orgasms
34. Sex on the beach

35. Blindfolds J
36. Using ice sexually J
37. Sexual role play
38. Whipped cream – I really don’t do food and sex – it is just yucky! lol
39. La Perla lingerie sex
40. Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie sex J - I am going to go with a yes since we do have costumes. And tails. And ears. And all kinds of fun things.
41. Sex with someone much older J
42. Sex with someone younger (legal!) J
43. Sex in a foreign country, possibly with a foreigner
44. A quickie in a skirt
45. A longie in the rain J
46. Sex in the ocean while people swim all around you
47. Feather ticklers J
48. Sex while "altered" whether by alcohol or something else J
49. Learn to orgasm in less than five minutes from intercourse alone
50. Silent sex in a full house J
51. Sending naked photos to each another J
52. Talking really dirty J
53. Sex while someone is watching
54. Teasing your partner to the point of orgasm, over and over
55. Really loud sex J
56. Sex in a favorite position J
57. Sex in a new position J
58. Orgasming at the same time J
59. Sex with deep emotion and love J
60. Spending all day naked
61. Not sleeping all night J
62. Sex on the floor J
63. Sex while no one else knows you are doing it
64. Trying the 69 position J
65. Sex with a condom J - Never with Sir (He is allergic to condoms and it does not have a happy ending. )
66. Sex without a condom J
67. Oral sex with mints
68. Sex in the back of a movie theater
69. Sex with someone you're angry at J - Angry sex can be a lot of fun!
70. Masturbating during sex J
71. Having sexy nicknames with your partner J
72. Using a dildo and your man -- at the same time J
73. Feeding someone sexually
74. Sex in a chair J
75. Sex with constant eye contact J

And it keeps going!  

1. Have a male, female, male (MFM, MMF) threesome J
2. Have a female, male, female (FMF, FFM) threesome
3. Have sex with 4 or more people
4. Have sex with a person of the same gender
5. Have sex with another person, while your partner watches
6. Watch your partner have sex with another person
7. Have sex with your partner, while someone else watches
8. Have anal sex J
9. Have very rough sex J
10. Have very gentle sex J
11. Have sex without foreplay J
12. Have sex standing up J
13. Have sex kneeling J
14. Have sex facing away from your partner J
15. Have sex facing sideways J
16. Have sex with most of your clothes on J
17. Have sex with one article of clothing on J
18. Have sex without kissing J
19. Have extremely quiet sex J
20. Have extremely loud sex J
21. Have sex with a stranger
22. Have sex without orgasm J
23. Get your hair pulled during sex J
24. Have sex in an awkward/advanced position J
25. Change positions multiple times during sex J

Places to Have Sex

1. Have sex and videotape or webcam it J
2. Masturbate and videotape or webcam it J
3. Have an orgasm in front of people without them knowing
4. Have sex in public J
5. Have sex at a movie theater
6. Have sex in a car J
7. Have sex at a drive-thru
8. Have sex in a bathroom at a night club J
9. Have sex on a balcony or porch J
10. Have sex on an airplane
11. Have sex on public transit, including buses and taxi cabs
12. Have sex in the shower J
13. Have sex on the kitchen counter/table J
14. Have sex at work J
15. Have sex in the woods J
16. Have sex at a concert
17. Have sex for an audience
18. Have sex in the snow – Umm No. Does not even sound fun!
19. Have sex on a beach
20. Have sex in the bed of a pick up truck J
21. Have sex in an elevator J
22. Have cybersex J
23. Have sex in a church
24. Have sex on a building’s roof
25. Have sex in your parent’s house J
26. Sex in a graveyard
    
    

Equipment to Use

1. Find your favorite vibrator J And I agree with Brat - Hitachi wand
2. Discover a brand new dildo that you love J
3. Get some Ben Wa Balls and use them J
4. Get a Kegel Exerciser and use it
5. Use a Strap-On
6. Use Anal Beads J
7. Buy some lingerie J
8. Wear a cock ring ... n/a
9. Wear some lace, leather or latex J
10. Use a Butt Plug J
11. Wear wrist and/or ankle cuffs J
12. Get a blindfold on J
13. Wear a chastity device
14. Get a corset
15. Wear nipple clamps J
16. Purchase a mask or hood  J
17. Use play piercing needles – I don’t see this happening – Sir does not like needles.
18. Use a flogger, whip or cane J
19. Buy bondage tape or medical tape J
20. Get a sexy pair of shoes or boots J
21. Use household items as kinky toys J
22. Wear spreader bars J I LOVE the spreader bar!
23. Use furniture specifically designed for sex J
24. Use an unconventional sex toy, such as an ice dildo J
25. Use a fucking machine – Someday.

Learn Something New

1. Become familiar with your genitals J
2. Go to the strippers J - I love to go to strip clubs with Sir.
3. Go to the strippers on amateur night and perform
4. Watch porn with your partner J
5. Learn how to belly dance 
6. Take a pole dancing class
7. Attend a munch J
8. Attend a play party
9. Attend a sex-related workshop
10. Attend a sex-related class
11. Attend a sex-related conference, such as The Taboo Naughty but Nice Show
12. Read more erotic stories J
13. Read more sex-related blogs J
14. Get an informative sex-related book J
15. Blog/write about your own sexuality J
16. Learn about the Kama Sutra J
17. Get erotic photographs taken of yourself
18. Show your partner an erotic dance, or have them do one for you
19. Learn how to have great oral sex J
20. Learn how to give an erotic massage
21. Learn how to squirt
22. Subscribe to an erotic magazine J
23. Trim or shave your pubic hair J
24. Discover the art of rope bondage
25. Role Play J

Kinky Fucky Time

1. Have your genitals worshipped n/a
2. Have your genitals tortured
3. Play with a violet wand or TENS unit
4. Wear a gag J
5. Be put in a cage or confined – I get my first cage when Sir comes home!
6. Be humiliated or humiliate someone else
7. Have your breasts whipped
8. Experience sensory deprivation J
9. Have consensual non-consensual sex (rape play) 
10. Have marks left over the next day J

 I had a lot of fun going through these and I see a lot of things we need to try!

30 Days of Truth - Day One

Something you hate about yourself.

As I sit here thinking about this question I am not surprised by my first answer. I HATE my body. More specifically, I hate being overweight. I am not huge. I have nice boobs and I like my ass. But I have several pounds to loose.

But honestly that isn't what I hate the most. I hate that I hide my body. I hate that I dislike myself so much. I hate thinking if only I could lose a few more pounds I would feel pretty.  And I hate that I have always felt this way.

I grew up with two very slim sisters. They were (still are) skinny and treated me like I was a sumo wrestler. I starved myself in college and nearly had to be hospitalized. I look at pictures of that time and do not recognize myself. I was so thin. My bones stuck out and I looked sick. No wonder my family and Sir worried about me so much.  I was not fat but at that time I still wanted to lose another 15 pounds. I remember hating my body so much. I was so young and stupid.

Now I am 34. I still hate the way I look but, more than that, I Hate feeling this way. I hate having a voice in my head that says “You can’t do that – Your Fat” or “Don’t share that picture- Your Fat”. I have worked on this issue for years but I really do not think I will ever look at myself and see someone who is beautiful.

Sir and I are working on this together now. He has an amazing body. He exercises all the time because it is FUN. (I really think He is crazy.) He loves me the way I am and tells me how beautiful I am every day. I am not trying to be skinny anymore. I am trying to be healthy. I want to lose weight but the number is not as important as it used to be. I want to be able to keep up with Sir and my children. I want to feel good about myself. 

Questions, Questions, Questions

I just finished the 30 days of Submission questions and I am continually staring at a blank screen trying to come up with something to write about. It isn't working for me. I need Him here to give my life excitement.

I love to read blogs. It is what I do when I get a break from laundry and dishes and chores. I enjoy reading Brats blog (Mortuary Chick) and she has started working on a couple of new challenges- 30 Days of Kink and 30 Days of Truth. I figured I copied her on the first questions so I will just do the same with these.   :)

I hope it will help me find other things to write about and keep my blog from disappearing. Sir told me He liked the idea of more questions but if I start them I have to finish them in a timely manner. So I have a plan. I will do one question every other day and I will mix up the two lines of questions. Hopefully this will take me all the way to His homecoming.

Questions For Him #3

How do I see the pet dynamic playing out?

I am not sure on this one either. I want to see her grow as my pet. I see the pet dynamic much like the Daddy/little one (only without feeling odd about it) I am not saying there is anything wrong with any lifestyle, but I just can't do the Daddy thing. With the pet scene I am still her Master. I will always be her Master but with this, there comes some extra perks for me. I am not into bestiality by any means, but the ownership of a pet is like that of a slave. She will eat when I let her, use the restroom when it is time, get groomed regularly and yes.she will wear a tail and lay at my feet. It might be a clip on for her clothes, or it might be a plug inside of her. But she will wear one. She will not get on the furniture without permission. She will be shaved in all the right places. She will have a collar and leash. And I will throw her a bone when she is good and punish her when she is bad. I want to get a cage for her to sit in for her kneeling time. Her reflection time. I see it as a good thing for her to have her own time for a little while. But it will be under my rules, like everything else.

Strange Conversations

I was walking around a local store today trying to find something to send in the care package to Master and having no luck. Care packages are not cheap to mail so I wanted to make sure every little bit was full. Out of no where a friend of Sir's came running up to me. I know her but we are not friends. She is one of the only people who know about our lifestyle locally so I guess that makes us friends. I don't really know.

So.... I was walking through the store and she came running up to me. She was so excited and just HAD to tell me something. She leaned in and whispered, "I tried Anal and it was Wonderful." I was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. When I finally got my mind together I told her, "Yes. Anal does feel good."

Then she skipped off. So very happy.

Questions for Him #2

What does D/s or M/s mean to you? How do you define your relationship?

The Dom/sub or Master/slave role in our life is something very special to me. I am a Dom. I am a Master. I am a Sir. I have a sub/slave/pet. She is mine. It is my job to provide for her and give her a place to feel safe. A place in order for her to be able to serve all of my needs as they come up. These may be sexual needs, or a clean house, or to ensure that I know where she is at all times. It is my job to provide for my little pet. I enjoy the responsibility that comes with it. I want to take care of her and pamper her like a high quality pet. You wouldn't treat this thing of beauty, this property, like trash. I make sure that her grooming standards are to my satisfaction. Everything from her nails, hair, clothes, looks, under wear - all of it - It is all mine to control and rule. I can choose to do this with care and love or I can choose to do this with pain and discipline. 

I do not abuse my little pet. What I do is not spousal abuse. It is a
correctional tool. I am making her into what she wants to be. No matter what her life growing up was, this is who she is now. This is our life 24/7. This is a very 50's household that we have. I am the man of the house. I make the rules and she follows them. I earn the money and I choose how we spend it. I pick what she eats, what she wears, how to use her body to my satisfaction.  

I have never been happier than I am in this role. It has helped with my
self-confidence. I am more in control of my life. I have PTSD and have
suffered mentally due to the things I have seen and done in war. This brings me back to a good place. A centered area that no therapists could have given me. 

At some point we may/will add more than we already have, but our roles are clearly defined. I am her Master. She is my pet. 

Questions For Him #1

I had several questions for Him after I finished my 30 days of submission. Sir was very open to the idea of answering some of them for me to put on my blog. It feels kinda strange to have someone else's words on my very personal blog but His answers are really wonderful.   :)

What did I learn in her 30 days of submission posts?

My pet just finished her 30 days of submission and I think I may have learned more than she did. I saw her grow when she realized that she was really in the role that she was meant to be in. That her consent to this role, her commitment to her place in this world, was seeded so many years ago. It is my job to ensure that she is always safe and taken care of. She knows that she can talk to me about anything as long as she does it in the right way. And she knows what the right way is. She is willing to grow in this role and her knowing this, her realizing this, has made me happier than I have ever been in my life.

All Done!

I have completed the 30 Days of Submission blog posts. It was strange trying to answer all those questions about my submission since I really have not thought about the whys of it. I enjoyed it and actually learned a lot about myself. I am very proud of the fact that I did not miss a single day. Every post was up on time (some of them barely made it!) and I finished the challenge. I am not sure exactly what I want to write about now. There is a lot going on in our life but very little of it seems interesting enough for strangers to want to read it. And there is nothing kinky or sexy going on (thank you deployment).  J

Moving On

I am being one of “those mom’s”. We are at the park and the boys are playing. Instead of watching them and their every little move I am writing a blog post on my laptop. It isn't that I don’t care or that I have better things to do- it is that I have spent every moment with them for the last 6 weeks. I know all their tricks. I have seen them go down the slide a thousand times over the years. And everyone needs a break sometimes.

So I am sitting under a huge tree listening to the music of children laughing and playing. It really is a beautiful evening. A lot has changed over the last few weeks. The biggest is that my best friend has moved over 11 hours away from me. I am officially alone. I have casual friends that I do animal rescue with and I talk to my boys teachers but I do not have ‘that person’. I can no longer run next door when something is wrong or to share a joke. I am alone.

In a few months we will be moving to our next home and I will start the process of making friends again. I cannot count the number of friends who have come and gone in my life. It is just part of being in the military. We always promise to stay in touch and to visit the next time we are in the same state but it really doesn’t happen. Life goes on and we change. We fill the holes they left in our lives with someone new. It doesn’t mean those friends were less special. It just means life goes on.

I do not see this hole being filled. She knew nothing of our M/s life but she always understood when I said I needed to ask Sir before I bought something. She never questioned me making His plate or any of the other things I do for Him. She also understood why I fell in love with her two little girls. Those girls are like my own and I had to watch them drive away yesterday after they gave me hugs and called me “Mamma XXX”

So today there is a huge hole in my heart where the other half of my family should be. After three years of being one big happy family we have been torn apart by the military cuts and I am a little lost. 

Day Thirty

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

 Yes,  my needs are being met. We have different challenges to face than most M/s couples since He is currently deployed. I am still submissive. I still follow the rules. I ask for permission to buy anything over $50. But… He is not here for our daily routines. He cannot pet me while we watch TV. I cannot meet him at the door after work with a smile and a kiss.

I am still happy and content in our life but I have so much missing. I do not want to picture my life without Him in it. (It is a very real fear for me right now.) If I did not have Him I would probably never be submissive to anyone again. It is a connection between us that gives me this mindset and I do not think I would be able to find this ‘happy spot’ without Him. 

Day Twenty Nine

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Pain is a large part of our relationship and one of the first ways we started exploring this side of our relationship. I enjoy pain and find it to be closely tied to my orgasms. Spankings – ones that I really feel the next day- just fuel my submission. We don’t participate in a lot humiliation activities and I am thankful for that. I have a lot of body image issues and anything “humiliating” would just be too much for me. The closest we come to this is the pictures I post on here that He really likes. It is very hard for me to put those images out there for everyone to see but I do not find it humiliating. I do not think we could have this lifestyle and not include pain. It is too much a part of who we are as a couple. 

Day Twenty Eight

Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Wow there is a lot in this question. I think I will break it down a little bit.

Has your submission every let you down?

No. I only submit to my Master and I trust Him completely with everything in my life. His choices are usually better than my own. I cannot see it letting me down because He doesn't let me down.

Have you ever been criticized for your submission?

Yes, but not in a direct way. I have had family and friends make comments about how “weak” a woman would have to be to be submissive to her husband. Then EVERYONE read 50 Shades and the conversations never ended. I heard everything from M/s is abuse to “that lifestyle has to be made-up”. It doesn't really bother me anymore because I know how great my life is.

Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Yes I make mistakes. Everyone does. Thankfully I have a great Master and we work through everything together.