Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"Master Bedroom Toys"

The military has contracts with civilian moving companies to help shuffle everyone from base to base. It is a wonderful part of moving if you like to have complete strangers go through your stuff. It gets even better when you live the kind of life that we do. We carefully went through the Master Bedroom and packed all our toys, and kink, and anything that could be considered Non Vanilla. We boxed it up and labeled it "Clothes". This should be the end of it. But no. We had the crew that liked their job. We had the crew who labeled everything. They even repacked boxes that we had already set a side.

So now you see where this is going.

Our box labeled "clothes" is now repacked. And they labeled it "Master Bedroom Toys".

Yup. Every person who handles our home goods will see that box. Everyone will know that we have enough toys to fill a large box.

We should have just bought a billboard and told the world.

On a happy note. Our house is packed and they come tomorrow to load it all up. Then I get the fun of finishing the house for renters and taking care of a family of four with nothing but a few boxes worth of stuff. I am such a lucky girl.  

Monday, February 16, 2015

Monsters in the Shadows

Every deployment takes a little more of Him away. Every time He goes away a less of Him comes home to me. The doctors call it PTSD but that makes it sound so innocent. Like it can be put in a little box with labels. In reality, PTSD is an ever changing monster that hides in the shadows of the man I love. One minute He is laughing and playing and the next He is gone. I can see the shadows fall across His eyes. I can see the torture He is facing alone and yet there is nothing I can do for Him in that moment.

Crowded restaurants have become a trigger for Him again. And bridges. And trash piles near the road. I know they will slowly fade and He will return to me again. His dreams will haunt Him less and He will eventually get a good nights sleep. It really makes me wonder what He sees over there. He is one of the strongest people I know but those images haunt him months and even years later. It must be some terrible things.

He wont tell me and for the most part I am ok with that decision. I know there is evil in the world. I watch the news and I read the papers but I am still able to live in my little bubble. He protects me from the horrible things He faces over there and I am very thankful for that. I worry enough about Him without knowing the actual Hell He walks into during every deployment.

I like to picture Him sitting on a beach drinking a beer. I do not want to know what His monsters look like because if they can do this to Him - I would not stand a chance.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

House Hunting

We have had a crazy couple of weeks. He returned on Saturday and we flew to our next base to house hunt on Wednesday. The boys went to spend the week with my parents so we were able to have a little time together. I personally HATE to fly. Well I take that back - I love to fly. They just need to come up with a way to fly without take offs and landings.

We spent three days looking at houses with our Realtor. They all started to blend together after about the first five. By the 30th house I was completely lost. Thankfully we took lots of pictures of the "Maybe" homes and had one "It will Work Home" in the mix. Then we saw THE HOUSE. It took less than 5 minutes before we were sure it was the one. We were the first family to see the house but after only 10 minutes there another family showed up. Our Realtor left in a run to put in our offer. After a short bidding war they took our offer and we went under contract on our new home on Monday. It is perfect and I even get my own room for crafts and (as Daddy calls it) crap. I think it will also be a great guest room. Maybe. I may not want to share.

The house is huge compared to our current one- Almost 600 sq ft bigger. I did not think it would make that much difference but it really does. The best part about the house is that the boys will be on the lower floor and we will be upstairs. We will finally be able to have a little privacy.

The boys are so excited and have spent a lot of time looking over the pictures we brought them. They have already claimed the family room since it house surround sound for their video games. There is even talk about putting in "gaming" chairs instead of traditional furniture. I really think I will win that fight.

We finally returned home on Tuesday and have been running ever since. The amount of stuff left to do is overwhelming but I am sure it will all get done. They come to pack the house in two days so I have to get ready to "camp" in almost empty houses for the next month. I really hope we are able to close on our new house a little early but I do not think we are that lucky.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Homecomings and Strangers

Seeing Daddy walk off the plane was probably one of the best moments of my life. He ran through the gates and was immediately tackled by the boys. Then it was my turn. Getting to touch Him again was so amazing. The hugs and kisses were what I was missing for so many months. The weight I had been carrying around with me for so long just lifted away.

The drive home was spent holding hands and kissing necks and teasing one another. (And He finally was able to drive the Pathfinder that He bought me while over there. Thankfully He likes it!) Two hours had passed by before we were finally home, the kids were in bed, and we were able to be alone.

We have loved each other for over 15 years, yet at that moment, we were strangers again. The awkward touches and hesitant words said so much more than their surface meanings. Learning to be together again at times can be new and exciting, but for the most part it is a like inviting a stranger to live in the shadows of a former love. He will never be the same man He was before this deployment. I can never be the same girl. Too much has happened. We have changed too much.