Monday, September 8, 2014

30 Days of Truth - Day One

Something you hate about yourself.

As I sit here thinking about this question I am not surprised by my first answer. I HATE my body. More specifically, I hate being overweight. I am not huge. I have nice boobs and I like my ass. But I have several pounds to loose.

But honestly that isn't what I hate the most. I hate that I hide my body. I hate that I dislike myself so much. I hate thinking if only I could lose a few more pounds I would feel pretty.  And I hate that I have always felt this way.

I grew up with two very slim sisters. They were (still are) skinny and treated me like I was a sumo wrestler. I starved myself in college and nearly had to be hospitalized. I look at pictures of that time and do not recognize myself. I was so thin. My bones stuck out and I looked sick. No wonder my family and Sir worried about me so much.  I was not fat but at that time I still wanted to lose another 15 pounds. I remember hating my body so much. I was so young and stupid.

Now I am 34. I still hate the way I look but, more than that, I Hate feeling this way. I hate having a voice in my head that says “You can’t do that – Your Fat” or “Don’t share that picture- Your Fat”. I have worked on this issue for years but I really do not think I will ever look at myself and see someone who is beautiful.


Sir and I are working on this together now. He has an amazing body. He exercises all the time because it is FUN. (I really think He is crazy.) He loves me the way I am and tells me how beautiful I am every day. I am not trying to be skinny anymore. I am trying to be healthy. I want to lose weight but the number is not as important as it used to be. I want to be able to keep up with Sir and my children. I want to feel good about myself. 

4 comments:

  1. I would say that for most woman, weight/body issues is something that would come in the top 5 things they hate about themselves.

    I have lost a lot of weight in the last 12 months, not because of exercising or dieting, but i was diagnosed type 1 diabetic back last May, and the weight just dropped off me, went down 3 dress sizes, so yeah im slim now, but blimey i have loads of celulite (spelt wrong) which was no where near as prominent/noticiable when i was bigger...and i hate it

    cant win lol

    x

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    1. That seems to be the way it goes....It is a trade off. :)

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  2. Such an honest post.. xoxox.. I know the feeling, its just not easy to accept your self sometimes. I also think its a "getting older thing" as you get older you realize what is important and what isn't and for me lbs just aren't as important as they once were. Following D's lead and trusting hes happy with how I look is hard at times but becoming so much easier as time goes by.. My father use to tell my mother there were no wrinkles in balloons...

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  3. Hugs - we all have things like this that we feel about ourselves. We're new friends, but you are such a beautiful person on the inside, from what you show here at your blog and via comments, that I have no doubt that it shines through you on the outside as well. I have always struggled with the opposite myself, I have such a hard time gaining weight, I'm always being told I am way to skinny. x_x

    I am happy you are doing these as well! :) xx

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