I keep staring at the blinking cursor and I have nothing to really say. Life with Him gone is difficult and lonely and very vanilla. While we are apart we talk about everything. The kids. The house. Our upcoming move. His career. And our relationship.
We are always evolving and are still finding ourselves in our M/s lifestyle. We are not new by any means but our roles and kinks are constantly changing. During this deployment I have learned so much about myself.
I no longer want to work outside the home. I helped with a low cost spay and neuter clinic this past weekend. We were able to alter almost 100 animals in three days. It was amazing. I love to do this work and usually find it very rewarding. But all I could think about was Sir and the things I needed to do at the house. I can not imagine working outside our home every day and being His submissive. I don't think I would like it and I am sure I would be so stressed that everyone would be miserable.
I like being His "pet" and I am curious to see where this will go.
I LOVE having my nails done and getting a Pedicure.
I am not very productive when He is gone. My To Do lists go undone and the house, while not horrible, is never cleaned to His standards. Our menu is all kid friendly meals with more cheese and less vegetables because I don't like to fight with the boys about something like food.
Calling Him "Master" does not really describe how I feel about Him and His role over/in my life. I don't know what word would work the best though. We are playing with the "Daddy" title but I am not sure how that will work for us. "Sir" still works but once again it doesn't really fit. I am really starting to wonder what titles or terms of endearment others use.
And I like to sleep with a stuffed animal at night. It caught me off guard but it really does help me relax and sleep better. He sent me a Fox stuffed animal about a month ago and I find myself curled around it at night and looking for it when I wake up. It is strange (I didn't sleep with one when I was a child) but very comforting.
I am hoping I will get out of the funk but my life will not be back to normal until He is home.