Day Ten

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

I have been stuck on this post for two days. I have started and restarted it so many times that I have lost count. While texting with Sir I asked for His help and He spent a long time going over it with me instead of getting his much needed sleep.

Yes, BDSM is a huge part of our lives. When we break it down (like in the image) it is very clear that we practice every part of it. We started playing in the bedroom before anything else. At first it was just blind folds and tie downs. Then He found toys. And more toys. Bondage became part of our ‘normal’ routine and helped me sink into a more submissive place in the bedroom. Now we have moved past actual bondage to something even more controlling to me. He can place me in a position and I will stay put.  It is more than ropes and ties. He has mentally restrained me. Moving is not an option.

We have discussed discipline in earlier posts. Thankfully I am a wonderful slave and I never get into trouble. (Wink Wink) Discipline is a tool that He uses to help me become the person He thinks I can be. It isn't fun but disappointing him is worse than any other punishment. I hate to see that look in His eyes.

Domination and Submission is the structure of our relationship. He is a natural leader. He enjoys being in charge and having things His way. Maybe it goes back to being an only child…..I don’t know. I cannot picture our lives any other way now. We used to fight each other all the time. He wanted things His way and I wanted them my way. It didn't work and we were miserable. Life got better once I stopped fighting Him. He became more confident in His decisions and He started making more decisions. Then He started making decisions that directly changed me. And I liked it. I liked Him taking charge of my life. He really does make better decisions than I do.

Sir is a sadist. We started figuring that out very early on in our play time. He would get so excited to see me wince. Red marks on my body became a huge turn on. The first time He spanked me was a huge eye opener for Him and for me. The more we played the more I enjoyed it. We went farther each time we played until I realized that I am a masochist. The more control and power He has over me the better my orgasm will be.  And pain, the right kind of pain, is just that much better.

After all this time I know that I am a submissive.  We could take everything else out of our relationship and I would still want to submit to Him. I would still be His Pet. I want to take care of Him. I want to please Him. I don’t see that part of me ever changing.