Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn't true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
I am very lucky to have a Master who likes to hear me talk since I talk a lot (at least to Him and a few close friends.) We have worked years on our communication. It really depends on if He is home or traveling due to deployments and TDYs but I have never felt like my thoughts or opinions were a burden or unwanted.
He loves to hear what I have to say and encourages me to talk about everything. He does not restrict our conversations. He asks my opinion on almost everything but that does not mean He is going to do what I think is right. I just ask for things if I want or need them. I am not allowed to be “snarky” or disrespectful and He does not like for me to use profanities. I do not use bad language often but I’m thankful that He has not set up a No Cussing Rule, yet.
Years and Years ago when we were still vanilla we went to marriage counseling. It was terrible and everything came down to being my fault. The therapist told me to “put out more” and it would solve all our problems. Sex was not our problem – communication was. The only good thing that came out of those sessions was our letter writing. I have a habit of getting upset and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. This is NOT good when your husband (now Master) has a memory like a steel trap. He can recite conversations back to me, word for word, days or months later. It is terribly frustrating. So the therapist suggested writing letters to each other. It is amazing. I can write, proofread, and edit everything I say. Emotions don’t get in the way of what I want to say. We write fewer and fewer letters now but we email, text, and chat all the time. Everyday. All day.
My blog has also opened up a new way to communicate. He reads every post and sends me comments or questions. He says it has helped Him understand my thoughts better. Apparently I need to work on sharing a little more of my feelings along with menus and schedules. I am a work in progress.
I do not see how anyone could have a relationship without good communications – vanilla or M/s. Communication is part of everything for us: trust, submission, kink, service, and the list could go on and on.