Nightmare...

I am not scared of the dark.

Bumps and noises do not bother me when He is gone.

I don't worry about monsters under the bed or a big scary man breaking into the house. 

I just don't. It has never been an issue.

Last night I spent 3 hours in complete panic over a bad dream. I woke up unable to breathe- Unable to move. I have never had a nightmare like that. And it was such a short simple dream. Someone was living in our Attic and coming into the house while we were asleep or gone. I walked into the the room and he was there. I could describe him to a police sketch artist it is so clear.

So I spent hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  

Grapefruit What???

I am part of a very Vanilla Mom's group on Facebook. It is great to read about all the crazy marriages and the husband bashing and everything that they think is Taboo. It is full of "My hubby didn't carry out the trash" or "My hubby actually wants ME to cook dinner?!?!" They would die if they knew what kind of marriage I have with Sir. But that is for another day.

Lately they have been talking about Grapefruit Blowjobs. Yes. You read that right. Here is a instructional video. Really Go watch that video. The sounds kill me.

The women in this group are all over this. Some can not believe women would give blowjobs (that is just degrading) and others think this is just so KINKY! The wives are all running to the store to buy grapefruits and are posting pictures of their prepared fruit. They ask each other for tips on how to give a good blow job. And the stories of how they did it and what hubby said/did. It is the craziest sex act they have ever done. Poor vanilla women.

It makes for some very interesting reading.

Ramblings

I keep staring at the blinking cursor and I have nothing to really say. Life with Him gone is difficult and lonely and very vanilla. While we are apart we talk about everything. The kids. The house. Our upcoming move. His career. And our relationship.

We are always evolving and are still finding ourselves in our M/s lifestyle. We are not new by any means but our roles and kinks are constantly changing. During this deployment I have learned so much about myself.

I no longer want to work outside the home. I helped with a low cost spay and neuter clinic this past weekend. We were able to alter almost 100 animals in three days. It was amazing. I love to do this work and usually find it very rewarding. But all I could think about was Sir and the things I needed to do at the house. I can not imagine working outside our home every day and being His submissive. I don't think I would like it and I am sure I would be so stressed that everyone would be miserable.

I like being His "pet" and I am curious to see where this will go.

I LOVE having my nails done and getting a Pedicure.

I am not very productive when He is gone. My To Do lists go undone and the house, while not horrible, is never cleaned to His standards. Our menu is all kid friendly meals with more cheese and less vegetables because I don't like to fight with the boys about something like food.

Calling Him "Master" does not really describe how I feel about Him and His role over/in my life. I don't know what word would work the best though. We are playing with the "Daddy" title but I am not sure how that will work for us. "Sir" still works but once again it doesn't really fit. I am really starting to wonder what titles or terms of endearment others use.

And I like to sleep with a stuffed animal at night. It caught me off guard but it really does help me relax and sleep better. He sent me a Fox stuffed animal about a month ago and I find myself curled around it at night and looking for it when I wake up. It is strange (I didn't sleep with one when I was a child) but very comforting.

I am hoping I will get out of the funk but my life will not be back to normal until He is home.

30 Days of Truth - Day Eight

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Wow…that list could go on and on.

My In-laws made my life hell for the longest amount of time and they actually did the most damage to Sir and I.  I was not the person they pictured their only son with and they made sure to tell me on a daily basis for the first 8 – 10 years of our relationship. They used threats and bribes to try to drive us apart - Including the promise of a brand new truck if He would leave me on our wedding day. It didn't work. We said our “I do’s” and watched His mother almost have a meltdown.

Over the years they have caused us so many fights and struggles but it only served to bring us closer together. Thankfully they started to come around and decided I wasn't the worst person in the world after the birth of our second son. I am just glad Sir chose me and not them. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Seven

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Sir  - and in turn my boys - are my everything. Sir entered my life when I was young and still trying to get over my abusive childhood. It had been years since my biological father had walked out of my life but the scars were just too deep. I was going to party for a semester at college and then go home to the family ranch.

Sir turned everything I thought up side down. He was unlike anyone else in my life and He showed me what life could really be like. He still does this today. He is my complete opposite and is able to get me to try things I would never dream of. Without Him I would have a very boring, lonely life. 

Cell Phone Pictures

I am very thankful for technology this deployment. I can talk to Sir all the time. We video chat. We message. We have phone sex. Technology is a wonderful thing. 

One of the things I get to do is send naughty pictures to Him. I can picture His smile when He sees a new picture. The only problem with cell phone pictures is that it is HARD to get a good picture of yourself and even harder to get sexy ones. I did manage to get one that was share worthy recently. 

I hope everyone has a great Monday.   :)

30 Days of Truth - Day Six

Something you hope you never have to do.

Say goodbye to one of my boys.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of them. I have lost several babies late in a pregnancy but that cannot compare to the pain a parent must feel when they outlive their child. 

30 Days of Kink - Day Five

What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen?

The first ‘kinky’ experience is not that wild and crazy. It was a one night stand with a boy I met on my first day in college. We had known each other for three days. We were with friends at a dance but we ended up having sex on campus – under a pine tree – by the Art building. I had a pine cone stabbing me in the butt. We didn't even get undressed. 

Today I call that boy Master. 

Room 101

Tori at Pain's Pleasure challenged everyone to come up with their own Room 101 based on an idea from George Orwell's book 1984. I personally had no idea what a "Room 101" was so I had to do a little research. Room 101 is a place introduced in the novel 1984 by George Orwell. It is a torture chamber in the Ministry of Love in which they subject a prisoner to his or her own worst nightmare, fear or phobia.

So what would I put in my own BDSM Room 101?

Bullwhips - I know some people really like them. Some people even say they "Don't hurt that much". But no... I grew up on a ranch. I know what a bullwhip can do and it has no place in my BDSM world.

Enemas - Just no.

Public Displays - The idea of doing the things I do with my Master in a public place (even appropriate public places) is the worst thing ever. To me, it is a very private thing and I can not imagine others being there. I read of all the adventures and parties others participate in and I can not imagine getting a spanking (much less anything else) with another person in the room. I am just to shy and private.

So there is my little Room 101. I can not wait to read other posts.

30 Days of Kink - Day Four

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Not really. I didn't discover my kinky side until He started to discover His. We grew together which has brought us closer together. We both know each other so well. We don’t have to have a talk about what we have tried and what we didn't like with past partners because all our kink has been together.