All Done!

I have completed the 30 Days of Submission blog posts. It was strange trying to answer all those questions about my submission since I really have not thought about the whys of it. I enjoyed it and actually learned a lot about myself. I am very proud of the fact that I did not miss a single day. Every post was up on time (some of them barely made it!) and I finished the challenge. I am not sure exactly what I want to write about now. There is a lot going on in our life but very little of it seems interesting enough for strangers to want to read it. And there is nothing kinky or sexy going on (thank you deployment).  J

Day Thirty

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

 Yes,  my needs are being met. We have different challenges to face than most M/s couples since He is currently deployed. I am still submissive. I still follow the rules. I ask for permission to buy anything over $50. But… He is not here for our daily routines. He cannot pet me while we watch TV. I cannot meet him at the door after work with a smile and a kiss.

I am still happy and content in our life but I have so much missing. I do not want to picture my life without Him in it. (It is a very real fear for me right now.) If I did not have Him I would probably never be submissive to anyone again. It is a connection between us that gives me this mindset and I do not think I would be able to find this ‘happy spot’ without Him. 

Day Twenty Nine

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Pain is a large part of our relationship and one of the first ways we started exploring this side of our relationship. I enjoy pain and find it to be closely tied to my orgasms. Spankings – ones that I really feel the next day- just fuel my submission. We don’t participate in a lot humiliation activities and I am thankful for that. I have a lot of body image issues and anything “humiliating” would just be too much for me. The closest we come to this is the pictures I post on here that He really likes. It is very hard for me to put those images out there for everyone to see but I do not find it humiliating. I do not think we could have this lifestyle and not include pain. It is too much a part of who we are as a couple. 

Day Twenty Eight

Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Wow there is a lot in this question. I think I will break it down a little bit.

Has your submission every let you down?

No. I only submit to my Master and I trust Him completely with everything in my life. His choices are usually better than my own. I cannot see it letting me down because He doesn't let me down.

Have you ever been criticized for your submission?

Yes, but not in a direct way. I have had family and friends make comments about how “weak” a woman would have to be to be submissive to her husband. Then EVERYONE read 50 Shades and the conversations never ended. I heard everything from M/s is abuse to “that lifestyle has to be made-up”. It doesn't really bother me anymore because I know how great my life is.

Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Yes I make mistakes. Everyone does. Thankfully I have a great Master and we work through everything together. 

Day Twenty Seven

Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Unfortunately this will be a boring post. I don’t have wild and crazy fantasies. I am living the wildest one I have ever had. I have talked to Sir about doing double penetration but to be honest I don’t like the idea of having sex with someone other than Sir. I like the idea of it…..but not the idea of someone else touching me. Maybe someday we will meet the right person but I do not see that happening.   J

Day Twenty Six

What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

I don’t really have a lot to go off of.  I have only been with one Master and I will not be with anyone else. So…. What makes a good Master?

1.       He loves me as a person and not just a slave.

2.       He is confident in himself and in His role as head of our home.

3.       He is sensitive to my needs and can tell if I need a hug or a spanking- then gives me exactly what I need.

4.       And He Talks to me. About the big stuff but more importantly, the little things. I know most couples talk about the life changing things like buying  a new car, but it is the little things like what I had for lunch or the trash TV I watched that really makes me feel loved. He may not care about the topic but He always listens because He knows it means something to me.

I am sure I could go on and on about this but honestly this list should be what every woman looks for in a man. We are not different than anyone else just because we have added an M/s dynamic to our relationship. 

Day Twenty Five

Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

We really do keep our relationship quiet and cannot display it for the world to see. I have a beautiful collar that Sir bought me before He left. You can see it here. It is wonderful and feels great when I wear it. It is heavy so I cannot forget it is there and it would help keep me in my submissive mind set. I was only able to wear it at home a couple of times but it was amazing. He had me kneel in front of Him as He put it on me and I have never felt more submissive. I cannot wait for Him to return and place it on me once again. With the upcoming move I plan on just wearing it every day. It is pretty and I can change out pendants to make it look any way I want. I don't think people who don't know me would question it. 

Day Twenty Four

What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

My submissive feeling go hand in hand with my emotions. Some times I feel like a roller coaster of emotions and usually He is the only who can see it. He can put my feelings into words better than I can. He knows my emotions and what I need before I do. Sometimes I just need to ‘feel’ something, anything, and that is when He will give me a good girl spanking. It usually helps me reset my emotions and move on.

I find that I am most submissive after I have felt lonely. (Like now and His deployment) I would do almost anything He asked after having some time apart. We actually grow more in our M/s relationship when He is gone than we do when He is home with me.

I find that when I am in a happy or energetic mood I get into trouble. I like to joke around and get sassy which do not usually go smoothly with being a slave. He likes it for a little while but then I think He gets tired of it. I get “that look” when He has had enough. 

Day Twenty Three

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

I used to question everything about being a submissive. In my family it was taught to never need a man. Never depend on him to provide for you.  Never trust him. I was to grow up, have a career, and be independent. Falling in love was the last thing I ever thought I would do and certainly not so young. He was a one night stand that just never seemed to end. He was unlike any man I had ever been around and He treated me better than anyone ever had.

It did not take me long to realize that He was my everything.  I gave up my career for Him. I followed Him from Air Force Base to Air Force Base.  Every move brought us closer and closer together and my childhood teachings fell farther and farther away. I depend on Him for everything and would be lost without Him. I often question if being so dependent on my Master is a healthy thing but it comes naturally to me. I like knowing He provides for me and takes care of me. 

Day Twenty Two

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

I have always had a dominate partner and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. He does deploy a lot so we transition back and forth from a 24/7 live in relationship to a 24/7 online/long distance relationship. These transitions are hard but I do feel they both have their positive side. I cannot imagine not having His guidance in my life and I am sure I would feel lost without it. He has so much control over everything I do. 

Day Twenty One

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

With Him being deployed our choices are limited. I have corner/kneeling time every night. I kneel by a chair in our room and try to center myself. When He comes home I will kneel while He sits in the chair but it is a long time until February. Right now 5 minutes seems like forever and I have a really hard time staying put. I know I need to focus on my submission during this time but I find it hard to quiet my mind. I tend to run through my to do lists and think about all the things I should have done. I think I need to find a book on centering myself or maybe meditation….I don’t know.  L I do find that my kneeling time helps me remember my place in our relationship. He is thousands of miles away from me but He still has control over my life. 

Day Twenty

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

My submission has continually grown over the last 10 years. At first I didn't even realize that is what was happening. I just wanted to follow Him. About five years ago we started discussing some of our lifestyle changes. It was very slow at first and I did fight a lot of little things that now are just second nature. About two years ago we started talking about a full 24/7 power exchange. It was all very exciting and we jumped in with both feet. It was a disaster.  

After struggling for a little while we decided to take a step back and see what went wrong. We are very happy with that decision. We are moving a lot slower and I find it easy to hand over things to Him now. He started out with just a few little things and we are building on them. I know He has grand plans for our future and my submission but we are taking it slow. We don’t want to have to back up and do it again. 

Day Nineteen

How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

I am not a social person. People scare me and I try to avoid going out at all. I like being alone and enjoy the quiet. With that being said, Master LOVES to be around people. He never meets a stranger and will talk to anyone. He would go to social gatherings if we lived where we could. There just are not places for kink around here.

We do have another couple we talk to all the time. We met through our blogs and have become very close – very fast. I can tell her anything and she truly understands and doesn't judge me. She doesn't scream abuse when I say He spanked me and I don’t panic when she says the same to me. It really is wonderful. Thankfully both of our husbands are military so we can talk about all parts of our lives since it really does change how our dynamics work.  S and I talk all the time and I am really blessed to have her as my friend. I cannot wait for us to meet in real life.

I did join Fet and I received horrible messages and comments from other people who do not believe in 24/7 or slaves. It just was not for me. I like to go on there to read some of the post but I do not comment or talk to anyone. I really did not think people on that site would be so closed minded and mean.

Day Eighteen

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have  an opinion. While that clearly isn't true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

I am very lucky to have a Master who likes to hear me talk since I talk a lot (at least to Him and a few close friends.) We have worked years on our communication. It really depends on if He is home or traveling due to deployments and TDYs but I have never felt like my thoughts or opinions were a burden or unwanted.

Verbal –

He loves to hear what I have to say and encourages me to talk about everything.  He does not restrict our conversations. He asks my opinion on almost everything but that does not mean He is going to do what I think is right. I just ask for things if I want or need them. I am not allowed to be “snarky” or disrespectful and He does not like for me to use profanities.  I do not use bad language often but I’m thankful that He has not set up a No Cussing Rule, yet.

Written-

Years and Years ago when we were still vanilla we went to marriage counseling. It was terrible and everything came down to being my fault. The therapist told me to “put out more” and it would solve all our problems. Sex was not our problem – communication was. The only good thing that came out of those sessions was our letter writing. I have a habit of getting upset and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. This is NOT good when your husband (now Master) has a memory like a steel trap. He can recite conversations back to me, word for word, days or months later. It is terribly frustrating. So the therapist suggested writing letters to each other. It is amazing. I can write, proofread, and edit everything I say. Emotions don’t get in the way of what I want to say. We write fewer and fewer letters now but we email, text, and chat all the time. Everyday. All day. 

My blog has also opened up a new way to communicate. He reads every post and sends me comments or questions. He says it has helped Him understand my thoughts better. Apparently I need to work on sharing a little more of my feelings along with menus and schedules. I am a work in progress. 

I do not see how anyone could have a relationship without good communications – vanilla or M/s. Communication is part of everything for us: trust, submission, kink, service, and the list could go on and on. 

Day Seventeen

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust (noun) :  

• belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
• assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
• one in which confidence is placed

Trust is the foundation of our relationship. I could not be submissive if I was constantly questioning Him. I know that He will take care of me- even when He is on the other side of the world. My trust was very hard to earn for Sir. I came from a world of escape plans and terrible marriages. Hidden money and sneaking around were considered normal and my Mother wanted me to “play around for a while” before I settled down. He was a one night stand that just never ended.

I find that trusting Him took longer than anything else in our relationship. I knew I loved Him within days of meeting Him. It was so easy to fall for Him, but trusting Him with my heart was something completely different. It took years (and lots of arguments) for me to realize He was not like anyone else in my life. I now trust Him, and only Him, completely. Every change we have made in our relationship has been built on that trust. He grows stronger and more confident every day as I submit more and more to Him. 

Day Sixteen

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

I am only submissive to my Sir. He has earned my trust and loyalty over the last 15 years and I don’t plan on ever submitting to anyone else. He is my one and only Master.

Well that was short and sweet, huh?

Day Fifteen

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

My submission has evolved so much over the last five years that I have a hard time remembering how it was at first. It was really easy early on. I was submissive in bed and not really anywhere else. We also fought all the time and I have severe trust issues when He went away for work. I knew He was not fully satisfied with our marriage and I worried that He would stray. The first time I told Him I was going to do X and He said No was a complete shock. (I cannot remember what it was that I wanted all those years ago.) I was so angry with him. I threw a temper tantrum that would have made our toddler proud. I no longer “Tell” him anything. I ask for His permission and I try to gracefully accept His answer.

We are slowly growing our relationship and building on the structure He craves. I have always been His “Pet”. Not a puppy or kitten but a Human Pet. He started calling me Pet years ago in passing and it has slowly grown. The next step in our relationship is to explore the idea of being His full time Pet. I don’t think He will ask me to eat from a dish on the floor or go outside to potty. That isn't His thing. He wants to groom me, tell me what to eat, where to go, and decide my life. My girly rules are a part of this.

It is exciting and terrifying to try to move in this direction. I don’t want to lose what we have become. 

Day Fourteen

Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Not really. I don’t really know a lot about religion based submission so I am not even going to go deeper than that.

J

Day Thirteen

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Technically I am available to Him at all times. With that being said, we have two boys – ages 10 and 4 – who limit our interactions by just being children. We would love to be able to play off and on all day but we rarely have any alone time other than after their bed time. Someday they will be grown (sad face) and we will be able to have Naked Tuesdays or Freaky Fridays. 

Day Twelve

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Financial submission was difficult for me but looking back it was one of the first acts of submission I did. I put my career on hold so He could join the military. Money was always tight in the early years so we agreed to talk about every purchase over $25. Now that we are farther along in His career money is not as tight. We are able to live comfortably and spoil our children but I still ask Him for permission to spend more than a few bucks.

He is not the best a paying the bills. He HATES math and balancing a checkbook is a huge headache to Him. So I do the bills. I figure everything and send Him a copy of the budget before I actually make the payments. He reviews it and tells me to pay them. He can make changes if He wants to but that rarely happens. When we receive our bonus money or tax return He decides how we are going to spend it.

I will be returning to work part time this fall as a substitute teacher.  I will not earn very much but He has decided that I will use that money to pay for some of my new “girly” rules like my nails. I am thankful to have the opportunity to return to work and still be able to set my schedule to be available to Him. 


EDIT:

After a long talk, Sir has decided that I will not be returning to substitute teaching this year. He believes I have enough work to do at home with the upcoming move and His current deployment. My "Girly" things will be paid for by Him just like everything else in my life and I will remain His devoted house slave.    :)