Smart Mouth Problems

I think He is getting His groove back. Apparently I have a smart mouth and that causes problems for my hind end. I didn't even realize I had been telling Him what to do or ignoring His requests but He noticed. I was making the bed and He walked up next to me and placed a hand on my back. The next thing I knew He had me bent over the bed and placed a firm swat against my back side.

I was a good girl....for about three swats.

Then it all went down hill. Fast.

Throwing elbows during a spanking is never a wise move, but actually making contact with Daddy's jaw was completely stupid. He is stronger than He looks and can hold me in place with just one hand. And that leaves His other hand for swinging. My back side hurt so much and by the time I was allowed up I felt horrible for acting the way I did.

It may take me a while to remember my place but I am really glad He is starting to take control again.

Daddy

It is the end of December. We are getting closer to Him coming home - Just a few more weeks. A while back we started talking about how using the title Master or Sir just did not fit our relationship anymore. He is my world. He is loving and caring and likes to make me smile. We are not about protocol or rituals (we do have some though). We are about love, and structure, and Him providing for me.

It has become more clear to us the more we have talked during this deployment. I have found that I like calling him Daddy. It isn't as weird as I thought it would be. I like Him taking care of me and the new title just shows how much He really does for me. I know everything may change when He comes home. We have not tried any of this in person. 

A few days ago He told me to take a nap. I was exhausted and have not slept much since He left. It was wonderful. I actually slept for 3 hours and woke up feeling great. I didn't wake up with guilt over not doing anything. I didn't worry about not finishing my chores. I just took a nap, like a child, because He told me to. It was a huge eye opener.

I worry about when He comes home and we try this in person. I am afraid it will sound silly or make me giggle. Or even worse - not work for Him the way it does for me. I know the overall structure of our relationship will not change. I know He will always provide for me. I know He will always be the leader of our relationship but what if He decides He wants more protocol. What if He wants a true "slave" with all the rules and restrictions? I really like the way the DD/lg is building and I don't think I want to go back.

The distance is really starting to wear me down. I have lots of time alone to think about things that I would never question if He was home. Oh well...Just a few more weeks. 

Another Wonderful Gift

He really does spoil me. I received another gift from Him recently. It took a while for it to arrive but I love my custom ears and tail. They are so soft and fluffy. I can not wait for Him to come home so we can play with them.

I did wear my ears for Halloween while I shuttled the kids from house to house. It was nice to have a little part of our life actually mix with our public life. It does not happen often. We are already talking about ordering another set in a fox red with black tips just for fun. 

Adrift

Mouse over at The Power Exchange used a word in her post that summed up how I feel.

Adrift.

So simple but complete havoc on my mind. With Him gone I find myself just floating through the days.

No purpose.
No guidance.
No drive.

The house is a mess. The yard needs to be prepared for winter. I have to get ready to move. And yet, I am not marking anything off of the to do list. I really just need Him to walk through the door at the end of the day. I need to know He approves of my hard work and get that little smile and words of praise.

I am such a bad slave.

I should do things because it is what He expects of me. Not for the praise.

30 Days of Truth - Day Two

Something you love about yourself.

It is sad that I find this question so difficult. I know it should be just as easy as the first one but it isn’t.

I love the way I look at the world. I am not naive (though Sir would probably disagree with me) but I do tend to have a childlike view of the world. I know the world is not a happy place. I know there are bad people in the world. And hunger. And pain. And war. I just choose to look at the good things. Maybe that is why I like to be a Pet so much. Sir worries about everything for me and I get to continue to live in my little bubble. 

30 Days of Kink - Day Two

List your kinks.

I find this one fun!

Spankings are really important to me- Not punishment spankings since those have to go past the fun turn on part to painful in order to be effective. Nothing gets me wetter, faster than a spanking from Sir.

Bondage – ties, ropes, blindfolds, cuffs, and mental. Him telling me “Do Not Move” is just as good as actual physical restraints.

Being His Pet and everything that goes with it from grooming (mani/pedi, hair, shaving) to wearing a plug with a tail.

Rules and structure – I don’t know if this is a kink or not. It centers me. It helps me to let go of my stresses and worries. And it is a huge turn on when He says no to me. It doesn’t happen often but I like to know that He can do it.

Anal – I LOVE anal sex, plugs, and beads. My favorite sexual act is for Him to hold me down and forcefully take my ass. I love the way it feels when He pushes my shoulders down and I present my ass to him. Just the thought of it makes me happy.  

New Car

He still surprises me often and today He topped them all.

Some wives get flowers when their husbands are gone. Or cute little love notes. But not me. My Sir bought me a new car! He is on the other side of the world and He found a way to buy a car here in the states.  Not just any car. A 2014 Nissan Pathfinder Platinum 4x4 with every little thing you could add to it. It is beautiful. It is more than anything I had ever expected. He is a wonderful Master and I am a very spoiled pet.

I did find out why He bought this SUV. It is large enough to put a crate in the back and has tie down points so that He can secure it. He has some devilish plans for me in mind 

Questions For Him #3

How do I see the pet dynamic playing out?

I am not sure on this one either. I want to see her grow as my pet. I see the pet dynamic much like the Daddy/little one (only without feeling odd about it) I am not saying there is anything wrong with any lifestyle, but I just can't do the Daddy thing. With the pet scene I am still her Master. I will always be her Master but with this, there comes some extra perks for me. I am not into bestiality by any means, but the ownership of a pet is like that of a slave. She will eat when I let her, use the restroom when it is time, get groomed regularly and yes.she will wear a tail and lay at my feet. It might be a clip on for her clothes, or it might be a plug inside of her. But she will wear one. She will not get on the furniture without permission. She will be shaved in all the right places. She will have a collar and leash. And I will throw her a bone when she is good and punish her when she is bad. I want to get a cage for her to sit in for her kneeling time. Her reflection time. I see it as a good thing for her to have her own time for a little while. But it will be under my rules, like everything else.

Questions for Him #2

What does D/s or M/s mean to you? How do you define your relationship?

The Dom/sub or Master/slave role in our life is something very special to me. I am a Dom. I am a Master. I am a Sir. I have a sub/slave/pet. She is mine. It is my job to provide for her and give her a place to feel safe. A place in order for her to be able to serve all of my needs as they come up. These may be sexual needs, or a clean house, or to ensure that I know where she is at all times. It is my job to provide for my little pet. I enjoy the responsibility that comes with it. I want to take care of her and pamper her like a high quality pet. You wouldn't treat this thing of beauty, this property, like trash. I make sure that her grooming standards are to my satisfaction. Everything from her nails, hair, clothes, looks, under wear - all of it - It is all mine to control and rule. I can choose to do this with care and love or I can choose to do this with pain and discipline. 

I do not abuse my little pet. What I do is not spousal abuse. It is a
correctional tool. I am making her into what she wants to be. No matter what her life growing up was, this is who she is now. This is our life 24/7. This is a very 50's household that we have. I am the man of the house. I make the rules and she follows them. I earn the money and I choose how we spend it. I pick what she eats, what she wears, how to use her body to my satisfaction.  

I have never been happier than I am in this role. It has helped with my
self-confidence. I am more in control of my life. I have PTSD and have
suffered mentally due to the things I have seen and done in war. This brings me back to a good place. A centered area that no therapists could have given me. 

At some point we may/will add more than we already have, but our roles are clearly defined. I am her Master. She is my pet. 

Questions For Him #1

I had several questions for Him after I finished my 30 days of submission. Sir was very open to the idea of answering some of them for me to put on my blog. It feels kinda strange to have someone else's words on my very personal blog but His answers are really wonderful.   :)

What did I learn in her 30 days of submission posts?

My pet just finished her 30 days of submission and I think I may have learned more than she did. I saw her grow when she realized that she was really in the role that she was meant to be in. That her consent to this role, her commitment to her place in this world, was seeded so many years ago. It is my job to ensure that she is always safe and taken care of. She knows that she can talk to me about anything as long as she does it in the right way. And she knows what the right way is. She is willing to grow in this role and her knowing this, her realizing this, has made me happier than I have ever been in my life.

Day Fifteen

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

My submission has evolved so much over the last five years that I have a hard time remembering how it was at first. It was really easy early on. I was submissive in bed and not really anywhere else. We also fought all the time and I have severe trust issues when He went away for work. I knew He was not fully satisfied with our marriage and I worried that He would stray. The first time I told Him I was going to do X and He said No was a complete shock. (I cannot remember what it was that I wanted all those years ago.) I was so angry with him. I threw a temper tantrum that would have made our toddler proud. I no longer “Tell” him anything. I ask for His permission and I try to gracefully accept His answer.

We are slowly growing our relationship and building on the structure He craves. I have always been His “Pet”. Not a puppy or kitten but a Human Pet. He started calling me Pet years ago in passing and it has slowly grown. The next step in our relationship is to explore the idea of being His full time Pet. I don’t think He will ask me to eat from a dish on the floor or go outside to potty. That isn't His thing. He wants to groom me, tell me what to eat, where to go, and decide my life. My girly rules are a part of this.

It is exciting and terrifying to try to move in this direction. I don’t want to lose what we have become.