30 Days of Truth - Day Eight

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Wow…that list could go on and on.

My In-laws made my life hell for the longest amount of time and they actually did the most damage to Sir and I.  I was not the person they pictured their only son with and they made sure to tell me on a daily basis for the first 8 – 10 years of our relationship. They used threats and bribes to try to drive us apart - Including the promise of a brand new truck if He would leave me on our wedding day. It didn't work. We said our “I do’s” and watched His mother almost have a meltdown.

Over the years they have caused us so many fights and struggles but it only served to bring us closer together. Thankfully they started to come around and decided I wasn't the worst person in the world after the birth of our second son. I am just glad Sir chose me and not them. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Seven

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Sir  - and in turn my boys - are my everything. Sir entered my life when I was young and still trying to get over my abusive childhood. It had been years since my biological father had walked out of my life but the scars were just too deep. I was going to party for a semester at college and then go home to the family ranch.

Sir turned everything I thought up side down. He was unlike anyone else in my life and He showed me what life could really be like. He still does this today. He is my complete opposite and is able to get me to try things I would never dream of. Without Him I would have a very boring, lonely life. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Six

Something you hope you never have to do.

Say goodbye to one of my boys.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of them. I have lost several babies late in a pregnancy but that cannot compare to the pain a parent must feel when they outlive their child. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Five

Something you hope to do in your life. 

I don’t have a huge list of things I want to do in my life. I like to do simple things like hike and play with my kids and stay at home with Sir. I do have one dream. Someday I want to go to the Galapagos Islands. I want to see the giant tortoises and walk where Darwin walked. I have dreamed of those islands since I was a child.

30 Days of Truth - Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for.

I forgive everyone but that does not mean I forget what they did. I only have one person who I need to forgive and I cannot do it. I cannot forgive my father for the childhood I had. I cannot forgive him for the abuse. I cannot forgive him for the way he treated my mother. I cannot forgive him for the lies I had to tell in order to cover it all up. I just cannot forgive him. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for something that was completely out of my control- 5 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. So many babies came into our lives only to be taken before we were able to hold them. I did nothing wrong but my heart does not know this.

We are blessed to have D and A and I thank God every day for them. 

30 Days of Truth - Day Two

Something you love about yourself.

It is sad that I find this question so difficult. I know it should be just as easy as the first one but it isn’t.

I love the way I look at the world. I am not naive (though Sir would probably disagree with me) but I do tend to have a childlike view of the world. I know the world is not a happy place. I know there are bad people in the world. And hunger. And pain. And war. I just choose to look at the good things. Maybe that is why I like to be a Pet so much. Sir worries about everything for me and I get to continue to live in my little bubble. 

30 Days of Truth - Day One

Something you hate about yourself.

As I sit here thinking about this question I am not surprised by my first answer. I HATE my body. More specifically, I hate being overweight. I am not huge. I have nice boobs and I like my ass. But I have several pounds to loose.

But honestly that isn't what I hate the most. I hate that I hide my body. I hate that I dislike myself so much. I hate thinking if only I could lose a few more pounds I would feel pretty.  And I hate that I have always felt this way.

I grew up with two very slim sisters. They were (still are) skinny and treated me like I was a sumo wrestler. I starved myself in college and nearly had to be hospitalized. I look at pictures of that time and do not recognize myself. I was so thin. My bones stuck out and I looked sick. No wonder my family and Sir worried about me so much.  I was not fat but at that time I still wanted to lose another 15 pounds. I remember hating my body so much. I was so young and stupid.

Now I am 34. I still hate the way I look but, more than that, I Hate feeling this way. I hate having a voice in my head that says “You can’t do that – Your Fat” or “Don’t share that picture- Your Fat”. I have worked on this issue for years but I really do not think I will ever look at myself and see someone who is beautiful.

Sir and I are working on this together now. He has an amazing body. He exercises all the time because it is FUN. (I really think He is crazy.) He loves me the way I am and tells me how beautiful I am every day. I am not trying to be skinny anymore. I am trying to be healthy. I want to lose weight but the number is not as important as it used to be. I want to be able to keep up with Sir and my children. I want to feel good about myself. 

Questions, Questions, Questions

I just finished the 30 days of Submission questions and I am continually staring at a blank screen trying to come up with something to write about. It isn't working for me. I need Him here to give my life excitement.

I love to read blogs. It is what I do when I get a break from laundry and dishes and chores. I enjoy reading Brats blog (Mortuary Chick) and she has started working on a couple of new challenges- 30 Days of Kink and 30 Days of Truth. I figured I copied her on the first questions so I will just do the same with these.   :)

I hope it will help me find other things to write about and keep my blog from disappearing. Sir told me He liked the idea of more questions but if I start them I have to finish them in a timely manner. So I have a plan. I will do one question every other day and I will mix up the two lines of questions. Hopefully this will take me all the way to His homecoming.