Saturday, September 19, 2015

Three Months of Silence

So much has happened in the last three months but nothing has really changed in our dynamic. Utah is really amazing. We spent the summer camping, kayaking, fishing, and getting to know each other again as a family. We both changed so much over our year apart and our relationship really took a hit. 

So here I am trying to find my voice during our time apart. He is gone again (only three weeks) and I have way to much time to think. I love our life but I still miss everything we had before His deployment. I miss the structure and the expectations. I miss knowing what He wants me to do instead of spending my day doing whatever I decide. I don't have the drive to push myself. I don't want to make those decisions for myself. I have (well had) Him for that. 

We have grown so much on the other side of our relationship. It isn't as often but it is more fulfilling for both of us. He has grown more comfortable with causing me real pain during sex. He has found a way to actually hit my rear end that does not sting but hurts deep within  my muscle. It is a wonderful solid hit that I can feel through out my body - and then again the next day as I walk or sit. It leaves a beautiful deep purple bruise that I can see for days. 

I don't know if I will write here often or not. I kinda feel like a pretender since we are so far from what we used to be. It does feel good though. 


  1. It's good to see your working on things and headed a good way :). Deployments have a way of changing your dynamics. Hang in there ❤️

  2. Deployments are hard....if writing here will help you, please do. Sounds like you have been living a life that is right for you and him...and that is all that matters.
    hugs abby

  3. You can always get it back. It takes time, but you will do it!